Sleep (or lackthereof)...

"Is she sleeping through the night yet?" "How are you sleeping?" "What's her sleep like?" And so on. And so forth...

The topic of baby sleep inspires countless books, theories, methods, products, and "experts." It stirs controversies and divides opposing factions of parents. It is interesting though unsurprising that many theories and bits of advice about infant sleep run contradictory to one another. "Put the baby down awake." Put the baby down after she's been in your arms for 20 minutes." "Don't put the baby down at all." "Nurse to sleep." "Don't nurse to sleep." The list goes on...

Perhaps that is why sleep is a subject that dominates nearly every conversation about how Chris and I are adapting to our new lives as parents. Friends and family with and without children are eager to hear about our familial sleep habits. And I am a little reluctant to admit that the answer is that things are going surprisingly well. I don't want to jinx us or sound like a braggart. Sure, we have outlier nights when Emilia wakes and wakes and wakes (usually corresponding with a growth spurt) but on the whole, we are all sleeping. Getting her down for the count is the hardest part. But once she is down she's out. She sleeps for a long stretch (between 6.5 and 8.5 hours) that is typically bookended with a few hours on either side. I should say that it was not always like this and I don't anticipate that it will always be like this (especially with the infamous four month sleep regression around the corner). But our current pattern has endured for weeks. Because I'm worried about maintaining my breast milk supply (particularly after I return to work officially), I try to pump at least once during her long stretch.

For me, as an anxious new mom it is an easily interrupted sleep. It is a painfully light sleep. I was a light sleeper before pregnancy and birth. I have trouble winding down when I go to bed. And I have trouble getting back down after I wake. As long as I can remember I have had bouts of sleeplessness that border on insomnia. I identify as a night owl. So even when I'm sleeping while the baby sleeps, mine is not the most restful. That said, it is more plentiful than I anticipated.

People ask me why that is? Why wouldn't I collapse with exhaustion whenever I get the chance? It isn't that I'm not tired. Sometimes I wonder if I am in fact "overtired?" My mind races, contemplating all the things I have to get done and the little time in which I can do them. I am lucky to have a decent chunk of maternity leave from teaching but I still have responsibilities, projects, and research to complete. I have a house to keep up. I have an elderly dog to care for. I have family and friends who are local and understandably want time with the baby as well as us. I have a husband that I want to spend time with. And I stay up thinking about how there are too few hours in a day. Sometimes (in classic new mom fashion) I stay up just making sure my baby is breathing.

I guess I am still adjusting to my new normal but when the stars align and my anxiety clouds part I finally get to sleep ... provided that the baby still is too.

*** Edited to add on May, 16, 2013: Soon after publishing this post, Emilia began the four month sleep regression. So I indeed managed to jinx things by writing about how well everything was going. But the good (and bittersweet) part about babies is that they change so quickly that we emerged once again with a new pattern. Then she figured out how to roll on her stomach from her back and would cry when she would wake up "stuck." Now she's a rolypoly all night long, back and forth, and loves sleeping on her belly. Those have become the "new normals" over the course of the last two months. Who knows how long our current situation will last (She sleeps from around 7:30-1, eats and is down again until 7. Though last night she slept from 8:30-6am)? She is on the cusp of her six month birthday and I sense that teething is around the corner...