October 14, 2012

Week by week: 33

33 weeks

This weekend I had the first of my baby showers and I feel so overwhelmed with love and support. It was a beautiful time being surrounded by wise women and girls of all ages. My dear friend China even came into town to attend. I was so so happy to see her and hug her and catch up. I am left yet again feeling really lucky in general.

Physically, things are good overall but my stomach is very... strained. My heartburn is very pervasive. My back occasionally hurts. I am told all of this is normal. My midwife appointments are now every two weeks and last Thursday's check up was reassuring. Measuring on track, strong fetal heartbeat, etc. I have begun wondering if my face looks different. I kind of see differences when I look at pre- and during-pregnancy photos but I wonder if that is due to weight or something else? There's that terrible, misogynistic old wives tale about how fetal girls "steal your beauty" and as absurd as I know that sounds, I have to wonder if pregnancy does change the shape and composition of a face? Especially since so many other parts of the body change, beyond just the belly. I also realize the changes I see in my face likely relate to being tired and taking less careful time to take outfit photos.

Some days I also feel really frustrated by what I see on the scale. I know that the gains I've made in the last 33 weeks are all for good reason but it can be difficult not to think negatively about that aspect of pregnancy. After all, I inhabit a weight-obsessed culture! Despite that, my body image is usually pretty positive and unconnected with weight. I don't typically dwell on the numbers on tags or scales. I need to harness that approach again while acknowledging that I'm doing the best that I can to eat well and to avoid being entirely sedentary.

Anyway, I can't believe how time has flown by. I have so much to do! I hope the fetus keeps cooking as planned because I need every minute of time to work and prepare.

Outfit Details:
Three Seasons Maternity dress from Amazon (unfortunately this seems to no longer be half off like it was when I bought it)
Gap tights (pulled low cause they're not maternity)
Nine West pumps

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