Week by week: 38!

38 weeks and the side view is striking!

My mom told me that her first child (which happens to be me) was born 15 days early. As I come upon that auspicious milestone in my own pregnancy, my thoughts are anticipatory but anxious. I am so excited to meet this tiny creature who has been kicking and hiccuping up a storm. But I also don't know that I will ever feel completely ready for birth or for the qualitative life changes that parenthood will surely bring.

I do know that my 38 weeks of extra feelings have made me more weepy than usual. I thought I was uncomfortable a few weeks ago but I now believe that I didn't know from uncomfortable. My indigestion and heartburn remain fierce. My desire to clean and organize and take care of business has intensified while my physical agility decreases. My abilities to focus and find the right language on the fly are diminished. Chris jokes that there's no blood left in my brain. Hopefully my students don't notice. I think I manage to be lucid in the classroom but evaluations of lucidity are interpretive. I am doing the best that I can.

As I try to visualize birth, I'm intimidated but hopeful. I want to muster all my confidence and optimism and not allow myself to be crippled with doubt. But it's difficult not to worry. I usually thrive in high pressure circumstances. I pride myself in rising to the occasion. But this will be a situation unlike anything I've experienced! And my mom and husband will be there with me which is reassuring. I just would like for the fetus to keep cooking a bit longer. Even with my discomforts, 15 days early feels like 15 days too early.

I've begun to come to terms with how little control I actually have. Pregnancy has been a series of lessons in surrender (special thanks to wise mom friend, Hillary for that very apt phrase). For someone accustomed to relative control, it hasn't always been easy. There have been numerous peaks and more than a few emotional valleys. But I'm comforted by the knowledge that pregnancy is not an illness. It is not something terribly abnormal. Women have been doing this for centuries. They do it every day all over the world, on a continuum of both more and less privileged/fortunate circumstances than my own.

I have instructed Chris and my mom to remind me of a few truths during the tougher birth moments: 1. She has to come out no matter what. 2. Breathing through pain will bring oxygen to my tensing muscles. Gravity will help me if I let it. 3. And perhaps most importantly: however she emerges my main goal is healthy mom, healthy infant.

Week by week: 37

37 weeks

I am full term as of now. What a reassuring feeling! I'm glad the fetus is still cooking and I am hopeful that I'll go to week 40. My midwife checked me (by my request, as I was already getting the group B strep test, which is thankfully negative) and I am not dilated yet but 30% effaced. Despite these facts, Chris is skeptical that I'll make it to 40. This is in part because my practice contractions have begun to increase in frequency and intensify in discomfort. But according to my midwives and my Babycenter weekly email, both of these occurrences are normal. Of course delivering at any point after full term is also considered "normal."

My hospital bag is packed. I have selected "going home" attire for the baby that still needs to be washed. We need to install the car seat or at least the car seat base. Chris has begun assembling his hospital bag and I've already packed a toiletry case for him. The crib is assembled and the nursery room is coming along.

I reiterated with my students our contingency plan options. But I still need to draft an email that I lovingly refer to as the "doomsday device" which will allow me to easily inform my students if/when the contingency plan is no longer contingent. I also need to write up Speck instructions for Rachel in case my folks can't get to her right away.

I put forth a lot of energy and effort into cleaning the whole house last weekend in anticipation of a diaper party shower we threw as an excuse to see our friends prior to birth. It was our last house party before we become parents and Chris went all out with the food. People raved about it which was sweet and everyone was very kind and complimentary about my different shape. I was just glad to have an excuse to motivate me into that deep cleaning process. Although it would be great to do one more deep clean prior to week 40, I'm not sure there will be time. Above you can see my outfit. My hair was dry by the time guests arrived. :)

Details:
Pea in the Pod abstract rose print dress
Streets Ahead bow belt (that interestingly was just slightly too big prepregnancy)
Assets Mama tights by Spanx
Gucci wedges

Week by Week 34

34 weeks!

My belly button is still in (but barely). My stomach is constantly slathered in some sort of lotion, hoping to avoid stretch marks but not feeling optimistic. Sleeping has become more challenging with each day due to various aches and pains. Once I do sleep, I apparently snore (sorry Chris!). I bought a bra extender thingy from Target this week which helps make things more comfortable without my needing to buy non-nursing in between bras (since I don't know what size nursing bras I will need). I am looking into a belly binder for after birth cause I really would like to hold everything in place and encourage things to go back to "normal." I've been using my Target BE Band (generic Bella Band) as a belly support device cause it feels so strained.

We've finally begun getting the nursery ready although it is still very far from organized. We managed to get furniture out of there and now it is full of the embarrassment of riches from baby shower gifts (still in boxes/new with tags/unwashed and not ready). I also have to clean out the armoire that is going to be baby's closet/storage. So much to do and so little time!

I did manage to wrap the article manuscript I wanted to send off to be considered for publication so that my resume remains active. I have a conference paper to wrap up (even though I can't physically attend the conference because I won't be allowed to fly by then) and more writing and diss. revision. Not to mention finishing my semester with my students. I hope the fetus remembers the bargain we made about how she needs to keep cooking until at least the day after her due date!

Lots more to talk about in terms of symptoms, cravings, and the amazingly overwhelming and wonderful experience that is being surrounded by all the women who I love and who have known me my whole life (aka my baby showers). I'll try to be back later in the week but my priorities are such that my recreational writing time is dedicated to the zillion more thank you notes I have to write (which I really enjoy doing even though they take a great deal of time because I toil over how to express my gratitude in a way that doesn't sound canned or insincere).

Outfit details:
Bailey 44 top from Nordstrom Rack (non-maternity)
Gap "Always Skinny" Maternity Cords in green
Captoe flats with extra footbed cushion from Payless

Week by week: 33

33 weeks

This weekend I had the first of my baby showers and I feel so overwhelmed with love and support. It was a beautiful time being surrounded by wise women and girls of all ages. My dear friend China even came into town to attend. I was so so happy to see her and hug her and catch up. I am left yet again feeling really lucky in general.

Physically, things are good overall but my stomach is very... strained. My heartburn is very pervasive. My back occasionally hurts. I am told all of this is normal. My midwife appointments are now every two weeks and last Thursday's check up was reassuring. Measuring on track, strong fetal heartbeat, etc. I have begun wondering if my face looks different. I kind of see differences when I look at pre- and during-pregnancy photos but I wonder if that is due to weight or something else? There's that terrible, misogynistic old wives tale about how fetal girls "steal your beauty" and as absurd as I know that sounds, I have to wonder if pregnancy does change the shape and composition of a face? Especially since so many other parts of the body change, beyond just the belly. I also realize the changes I see in my face likely relate to being tired and taking less careful time to take outfit photos.

Some days I also feel really frustrated by what I see on the scale. I know that the gains I've made in the last 33 weeks are all for good reason but it can be difficult not to think negatively about that aspect of pregnancy. After all, I inhabit a weight-obsessed culture! Despite that, my body image is usually pretty positive and unconnected with weight. I don't typically dwell on the numbers on tags or scales. I need to harness that approach again while acknowledging that I'm doing the best that I can to eat well and to avoid being entirely sedentary.

Anyway, I can't believe how time has flown by. I have so much to do! I hope the fetus keeps cooking as planned because I need every minute of time to work and prepare.

Outfit Details:
Three Seasons Maternity dress from Amazon (unfortunately this seems to no longer be half off like it was when I bought it)
Gap tights (pulled low cause they're not maternity)
Nine West pumps

Week by Week: 32

32 Weeks

I'm getting bigger every day. My stomach skin aches because it is so strained. I've been dutifully lathering myself with cocoa butter and jojoba oil, hoping to stave off the inevitable. I don't yet have marks but I envision them in my future. As I feel the fetus wiggle around, I imagine that she's trying to make even more room. It's hard to fathom my stomach growing larger but I know it must. And I know it will be worth it.

It's fun to compare the above with my first belly photos on this blog (which were taken at around 15 weeks) cause I was wearing the same top.

Pants with real buttons! I remember you. 

32 week outfit Details:
Orla Kiely for Uniqlo sailboat tshirt
Gap Maternity Cords 
Payless captoe flats (which have extra cushy padding and are sooooo comfy!! Thanks mom, for treating me to some larger interim footwear!!)

Nordstrom Maternity is back!

Maternity Dresses
Maternity Dresses

At least on their website, Nordstrom has begun stocking maternity clothing again. This is great news for fans of their price match policy, stellar return time frame, and excellent customer service! Above are some of my favorites currently in stock. Of course, the prices are a bit high. After all, it IS Nordstrom. But they have sales just like everyone else and the dresses they've chosen to stock would at the very least make lovely baby shower/special occasion dresses if you're feeling eager to splurge on one special garment.

Week by week: 30

30 weeks

Gah time is flying! I have so much to do. So much to plan. So much to finish. So much to organize. But I also am excited to meet this little one who has been moshing and poking and prodding me from the inside for so long.

I had a few appointments on Friday, including an ultrasound that was supposed to have a 3d component. Sadly (though not truly sad, and in fact good!) the fetus is positioned head down and low enough in my pelvis that she was basically not 3d-photographable. The tech and the OB even considered prodding and pushing me from the outside to urge her to move into a better spot. But she's comfy down there and frankly, I'd rather her get used to being in a good spot for birth than get an unnecessary preview of her face. We did learn that she already has hair! And although I'm measuring right on track according to my midwife who checked my fundal height, from the ultrasound she is measuring to be in the upper range of percentiles. I blame her dad who has long limbs. Because of her position, they couldn't truly measure her because of where her head was, so they looked at the femur and belly to calculate an estimation (that the OB said is not very accurate, even if it is what they use). Anyway, it was a long but exciting day and everything continues to look healthy and good.

I began a new series on Consume or Consumed about teaching college students while pregnant. Check it out!

Outfit details:
Target sweater (gift from my mom)
Gap maternity t-shirt underneath
Gap maternity jeans
Chloé flats

Week by week: 29

29 weeks

Chris and I attended day two of our condensed Lamaze class at Magee and much like the first week, it was really wonderful. We practiced positions, slow breathing through contractions, and spontaneous pushing. We went on a hospital tour so I feel much more able to visualize my birth setting. And I even felt like we began to make friends with other couples. If there was one more class meeting I know we would have walked out of there with email addresses. Sadly, there isn't. But I did feel a strong bond with the couples in the class and with the instructor. More than anything else, I felt more bonded to Chris. I know from this experience that he is better equipped to be the supportive, confident, and attentive birth partner that he wants to be.

I cannot say enough great things about the instructor that we had for the class. I cried a little when it was time to say goodbye to her because I felt so much gratitude over the knowledge she imparted and the confidence that comes with it. She works as a volunteer doula in the hospital sporadically and I am now hoping the stars align for her to be on the floor during my birth. We'll see.

Since learning I was pregnant, it has been difficult to envision what birth will be like since so many variables are unknowns and so many birth stories differ. But talking to my parents about birth has helped me a lot. Together they share so many memories and it is interesting to see who remembers what with more vivid detail. Last night my mom remembered that my dad's mother was tearing up when they were leaving for the hospital to have me, which was a pretty quick birth, especially for a first time mom! She said that she realized she was in first stage labor around 11pm, they left for the hospital around 2am, and I was born at 8:06 am. Although I've always felt close with my parents, sharing the process of becoming a parent with them and having them retell stories about pregnancy, birth, and early family life has been really incredible. 

Today I blew up my exercise/birth ball and plan to try to get some writing done while sitting on it. I also am setting a goal for Chris and I to practice at least two positions through timed, simulated contractions per day. If we only manage to do it every other day, that is ok too. I aim to do two per practice session so that we can also practice the transition from one position to the next. Most of my favorite practice positions involved the birth ball so I am glad to have it for our preparation.

Outfit details:
Maternal America dress (from Amazon clearance)
Wolford tights (which incidentally, are quite comfortable with a belly!)
Guiseppi Zanotti flats
Amber pendant necklace from St. Lucia (gift from Chris)

Maternity style

I've got a few maternity designer and boutique reviews up on my style blog, just published this week. Check them out here.

Week by Week: 27

27

So this is the last week of my second trimester and I cannot believe how the time has flown. I have so much more to do before birth and feelings of panic are beginning to hit me.

This week I started back to school and it was wild to be in the classroom with a visible bump. It felt so bizarre to have to explain the contingency plan options to my young adult students, many of who were very adorable and kind in their reactions to my news. I also noticed for the first time that if I watch my stomach while the fetus is moshing (cause it seems like that's what she does in there), I can SEE IT FROM THE OUTSIDE! So weird. Chris caught it too. It makes me giddy to see it bouncing around, making room.

This weekend, Chris and I were scheduled to be in New Orleans for a conference and to have one last out of town trip before I become too pregnant to fly safely. It promised to be a babymoon of sorts. Sadly, the conference was canceled and we wound up staying in town. Although I am disappointed to miss out on any opportunity to travel (especially to a place I love so much), I am grateful to not burden further the city of New Orleans as it cleans up the mess left by Hurricane Isaac. My thoughts are with the Gulf Coast state residents as they recover and rebuild.

We are making the best of things by spending time together at home. Yesterday, Chris brightened our morning with French pastries from La Gourmandine. After doing some work from home, we went to the gym together where I actually used the elliptical for the first time in at least a month! (I had been taking it easy due to some sciata and/or pelvic girdle pain).  It felt good to be active even though I did tone down my intensity, just in case. We rounded out the night with dinner reservations at Cure in Lawrenceville. The meal was delicious and fun. It made for an excellent consolation for the reservation we couldn't keep at Herbsaint. The rest of the weekend will be spent catching up with family so that will be great. And I'm sure we'll make it back to New Orleans, soon enough. The little one will surely love its sights and sounds.

Outfit details:
Anthropologie's Sideways Seascape Tee
Gap Maternity jeans
Coach flats

Week by week: 26

Week 26

Here you can see me trying on one of the designer maternity dresses I bought on clearance (and with a 20% off coupon) from Amazon, in anticipation of needing professorial options for the fall classroom. I'll be doing a lengthy review of the brands and garments eventually. But in the meanwhile, here is the state of my stomach at week 26... the second trimester homestretch!

Outfit details:
Everly Grey Kaylee Maternity Dress (on sale!) (available in the above print or solid crimson)*
Vintage Saks Fifth Avenue house brand pumps

*Amazon clothing tip: I signed up for clothing emails and was sent a unique, one-time-use, 20% off coupon for clothes. You have to use the code within 30 days but with free shipping and free returns the risk seemed low enough to make an order of a few pretty things. Some of it is going back but I am keeping the above.

The pregnant, professorial body

Maternity Dresses
Maternity Pants & Shorts

Not unlike the pregnant body, a professorial body (particularly, a female one) can become the subject of scrutiny and attention, particularly from students. It is the knowledge of this that makes me more than just a little nervous about returning to the classroom with a visible bump. When I wrapped up my spring term, I was in my first trimester and not showing at all. It was an easy secret to mask because my body made no announcements on my behalf.

Now, that is no longer the case. My body might not be recognizable immediately as "pregnant" to strangers (though I'm sure my unconscious habit of resting a hand on my stomach might offer a clue), but on a smaller liberal arts campus it has changed enough to yield speculation.

Because of when my due date falls, I will make sure to include contingency plans in my syllabi which will announce to students my "condition" immediately. On our first day of class I will discuss options with them and hope to keep things as focused and on-task as possible.

But I am also a little concerned about the physical reality of being in front of a classroom while very pregnant. I am usually animated and mobile. I take my own mobility and ease of movement for granted. I hope I am still able to be as dynamic in movement as I have been in semesters previous. I also want to give myself the space to sit down, particularly in my longer once-a-week course. It is a smaller section that I plan to hold in seminar format so that shouldn't be a big problem.

Above is a back to school maternity wish list I compiled for Consume or Consumed. It includes mostly solids so I can repeat easily and often. The clothing aspect is another component of this that has me feeling timid. Hopefully between what I already have and a few key pieces (like maternity tights) I will be ok.

Week by Week: 24

24

My belly has definitely popped since previous posts. I also have begun to break in my maternity jeans from a previous Gap sale (fyi, friends and family is this weekend!). I love the shape of these jeans. I just need to get my hands on some similarly slim-legged maternity cords and I will feel more set for fall.

Outfit details:
Anthropologie's Slanted Layers top (which I kind of want in every color cause it really leaves a lot of room to grow- so stretchy!)
Gap 1969 cropped maternity jeans (not so cropped on a shorty!)
Coach flats

Week by week: 23

almost 23 weeks

I've found that the appearance of my "bump" shifts dramatically throughout the day. By the evening, it is pronounced and round all over, including on top. During the day (and especially before lunch) my natural waist is thicker than it was, pre-pregnancy (of course) but less bulbous. Periodically the skin of my stomach has begun to itch. When I feel its tautness, it is difficult to fathom how much more it will have to stretch and grow in the coming months. I've begun using lotion on it every day to try to fend off what I will likely be inevitable.

One of these days I need to take early and late day photos to show the difference in size.

Outfit 1:
Max Studio skirt from TJ Maxx (similar)
Kate Spade Rosette top

Outfit 2:
Asos maternity dress
Nordstrom cardigan
Chloé flats

One's on the way... Plus belly shots

Almost 22 weeks.

I feel bigger every day. And the top of my belly is starting to get more round and full. The fetal movements are consistent and sometimes distracting. It's very exciting and although kicks feel strong and significant for me (because they radiate from within when I catch them with my hand on the outside) Chris still hasn't been able to discern between movement from breathing and the fetus. I'm sure as the fetus grows it will be easier to feel (and become less novel to me... or maybe not? It is a fascinating and surreal experience that I tried to imagine in the weeks leading up to "the quickening").

I've been thinking a lot about motherhood and feminism lately. Growing up, one of the videotapes my siblings and I watched obsessively was "Muppet Treasures," which is a collection of skits from the Muppet Show. And this week I've found myself humming Loretta Lynn's rendition of Shel Silverstein's clever anthem for multiple-time, stay-at-home, mothers-to-be, "One's on the Way." Although I am not going to stay at home and will return to work full time when my leave is over, I do think the song highlights enduring socio-economic and cultural differences that alienate and divide mothers, even four decades later.

In the history of feminism, we have needed women to speak out against biological essentialism that reduces us to some sexist and idealized notion of inherent maternalism. But in that process of undoing, the resilient mechanisms of patriarchy found another method through which to pit types of women against other types of women and types of mothers against other types of mothers. Contemporary feminism encompasses many forms but because being pregnant is all still new to me, I am navigating unfamiliar terrain. And sometimes it is frustrating to acknowledge how divisions endure and how systemic mechanisms serve to further alienate women from each other. This is part of why "One's on the Way" looms large in my current consciousness.

Of course, the song's witty intra- and inter-gender politics didn't occur to me as a kiddo. But it's something I've been contemplating frequently, in the wake of article after article about whether women can "have it all," or perhaps more relevant, whether "having it all" is even on the menu for contemporary, middle-and working-class mothering. It's a lot to chew on! Anyway, you can see the skit from the Muppets here or Lynn singing the anthem solo, here.

Outfit details:
Old Navy Maternity Maxi Dress: buy it here (fyi this is sized generously. I am wearing a small with room to grow).

Recent preparatory consumption

Infant Boys' Onesies
Toddler Boys' Shirts

Today on Plum District, the Honest Company has a deal where you spend $20 and get $40 worth of natural baby products/household products. I bit because I had been considering grabbing some things to try for a while. You can access the deal by clicking here.

Gap and Old Navy (and their affiliated brands) have a code that offers 30% off (JULY2012), including maternity and baby things already on sale. I shopped through ebates for cashback. Above are some of my favorites for a pregnant body, and babies of both genders. What baby wouldn't want a lobster print romper?!