Week by week: 38!

38 weeks and the side view is striking!

My mom told me that her first child (which happens to be me) was born 15 days early. As I come upon that auspicious milestone in my own pregnancy, my thoughts are anticipatory but anxious. I am so excited to meet this tiny creature who has been kicking and hiccuping up a storm. But I also don't know that I will ever feel completely ready for birth or for the qualitative life changes that parenthood will surely bring.

I do know that my 38 weeks of extra feelings have made me more weepy than usual. I thought I was uncomfortable a few weeks ago but I now believe that I didn't know from uncomfortable. My indigestion and heartburn remain fierce. My desire to clean and organize and take care of business has intensified while my physical agility decreases. My abilities to focus and find the right language on the fly are diminished. Chris jokes that there's no blood left in my brain. Hopefully my students don't notice. I think I manage to be lucid in the classroom but evaluations of lucidity are interpretive. I am doing the best that I can.

As I try to visualize birth, I'm intimidated but hopeful. I want to muster all my confidence and optimism and not allow myself to be crippled with doubt. But it's difficult not to worry. I usually thrive in high pressure circumstances. I pride myself in rising to the occasion. But this will be a situation unlike anything I've experienced! And my mom and husband will be there with me which is reassuring. I just would like for the fetus to keep cooking a bit longer. Even with my discomforts, 15 days early feels like 15 days too early.

I've begun to come to terms with how little control I actually have. Pregnancy has been a series of lessons in surrender (special thanks to wise mom friend, Hillary for that very apt phrase). For someone accustomed to relative control, it hasn't always been easy. There have been numerous peaks and more than a few emotional valleys. But I'm comforted by the knowledge that pregnancy is not an illness. It is not something terribly abnormal. Women have been doing this for centuries. They do it every day all over the world, on a continuum of both more and less privileged/fortunate circumstances than my own.

I have instructed Chris and my mom to remind me of a few truths during the tougher birth moments: 1. She has to come out no matter what. 2. Breathing through pain will bring oxygen to my tensing muscles. Gravity will help me if I let it. 3. And perhaps most importantly: however she emerges my main goal is healthy mom, healthy infant.

Week by week: 29

29 weeks

Chris and I attended day two of our condensed Lamaze class at Magee and much like the first week, it was really wonderful. We practiced positions, slow breathing through contractions, and spontaneous pushing. We went on a hospital tour so I feel much more able to visualize my birth setting. And I even felt like we began to make friends with other couples. If there was one more class meeting I know we would have walked out of there with email addresses. Sadly, there isn't. But I did feel a strong bond with the couples in the class and with the instructor. More than anything else, I felt more bonded to Chris. I know from this experience that he is better equipped to be the supportive, confident, and attentive birth partner that he wants to be.

I cannot say enough great things about the instructor that we had for the class. I cried a little when it was time to say goodbye to her because I felt so much gratitude over the knowledge she imparted and the confidence that comes with it. She works as a volunteer doula in the hospital sporadically and I am now hoping the stars align for her to be on the floor during my birth. We'll see.

Since learning I was pregnant, it has been difficult to envision what birth will be like since so many variables are unknowns and so many birth stories differ. But talking to my parents about birth has helped me a lot. Together they share so many memories and it is interesting to see who remembers what with more vivid detail. Last night my mom remembered that my dad's mother was tearing up when they were leaving for the hospital to have me, which was a pretty quick birth, especially for a first time mom! She said that she realized she was in first stage labor around 11pm, they left for the hospital around 2am, and I was born at 8:06 am. Although I've always felt close with my parents, sharing the process of becoming a parent with them and having them retell stories about pregnancy, birth, and early family life has been really incredible. 

Today I blew up my exercise/birth ball and plan to try to get some writing done while sitting on it. I also am setting a goal for Chris and I to practice at least two positions through timed, simulated contractions per day. If we only manage to do it every other day, that is ok too. I aim to do two per practice session so that we can also practice the transition from one position to the next. Most of my favorite practice positions involved the birth ball so I am glad to have it for our preparation.

Outfit details:
Maternal America dress (from Amazon clearance)
Wolford tights (which incidentally, are quite comfortable with a belly!)
Guiseppi Zanotti flats
Amber pendant necklace from St. Lucia (gift from Chris)

Birth Class and Week by week: 28

Week 28

Holy cow I'm in my third trimester! I'm both terrified and excited that things are moving along so fast. I feel good, although my movements are definitely slower out of necessity. They're also occasionally more audible than I intend (as in I make funny guttural sounds if I am getting up from the floor or something... lol). My heartburn has worsened and I seem to have the same tiny bladder issues I had during the first trimester. My stomach fills up faster than before, too.

Yesterday, Chris and I began a condensed Lamaze class at our hospital (Magee Womens Hospital in Pittsburgh) and it was so wonderful. I know a lot of people remark that reading books will offer the same impact of taking a class but that seemed less desirable to me. Although I have been reading about pregnancy and birth avidly, I still wanted to take a class. Reading is often solitary and the experience of taking a class is shared. Plus, as phd candidates, Chris and I are no strangers to schooling. We basically thrive in a classroom environment. So for us, it only made sense to sign up for something. My insurance will cover half of the class cost but even if it didn't, I view it as a good investment in memory-making.

32 years later, my parents still talk about the birth class they took when they were pregnant with their first born (me). They made lasting friendships from it. Sadly, the condensed class sessions that fit our work schedules will be less likely to yield much in the way of bonding with other couples. But I enjoy the metaphoric connection I share with the people in the room, even if we don't get to know each other during our short time together.

Also, the instructor is fantastic and incredibly engaging. I had no problem staying alert the entire day, listening to her explain things, share anecdotes, offer clever metaphors, and demonstrate with course materials. I even found myself tearing up at moments during which she described with enthusiasm and sincerity the remarkable things that occur in the pregnant body. I do have extra feelings right now thanks to all the hormones but in general, I am moved by the notion that my body is doing things that are miraculous, natural, and also in so many ways, entirely mundane. I can't wait for our next class!

I'm curious about the experiences of others in this regard. Did you take a birthing class? Our instructor said around 20% or less of pregnant women take classes. I don't have a lot of friends who have had children so I can't do any informal social polls. But I imagine that Dr. Google in conjunction with youtube videos (and traditional books) have created an environment of learning in which taking birth classes seem less necessary than ever before? Or perhaps the stats have always been low due to the time and money involved in enrolling?

Outfit details:
Ancient Myths maxi skirt from Anthropologie (stoked this still fits for now)
Banana Republic tee
Havaniana flip flops