Pregnancy and my body: gains and losses

two weeks postpartum

Over the course of my 39 weeks of pregnancy I gained 33 lbs. The weight distributed all over my body but of course concentrated most in my stomach. The total was more than I had hoped to gain because I didn't start off especially small. But I followed my body's cues with regard to eating and tried my best to eat healthily.

three weeks postpartum

At a visit to my dermatologist to discuss postpartum skincare, 2.5 weeks after birth, I had lost 27.5 of the pounds I had gained. I feel pretty pleased by this though I don't know what is normal or abnormal. I also began pregnancy in the thick of cake season* during which I was about 10 lbs heavier than my preferred weight. So if I am keeping track, I have about five pregnant lbs and ten cake season lbs left to shed. Breastfeeding has helped me so far. I have read that the final lbs linger on breastfeeding moms because the body keeps them as a makeshift insurance policy (i.e. in the event that I no longer had access to food, the additional weight would allow me to still produce for my child). Realistically, my inability to go to the gym for another 5-6 weeks will inhibit my level of fitness, regardless of what the scale says.

Back in September, I packed away my favorite fall and winter clothes, anticipating that I would not be able to fit into them for another year or so. I've dug through them this week to see what already fits while still being nursing-friendly. No matter what, I am still wearing my maternity pants because they are so darn comfy and the stretchy band at the top feels supportive over my tender abdomen.

Speaking of my abdomen and recovery, while in the hospital I was given a belly binder to help provide counter pressure over my incision. That did really help for the first week after birth. When I shed the bulk of the retained water my medical binder became too large and too stretched out to bind so I turned to the commercial binders a friend had sent me as generous hand-me-downs in anticipation of my birth. I ultimately purchased a Squeem which gives me much more intense support.

I am not sleeping in the binder anymore but I try to wear it for at least a few hours every day. When I sneeze, belly laugh, or cough my incision aches so the binder is useful for extra support. If I catch the pain-inducing action in time, I press my hands up against my abdomen which helps offer much needed counter pressure.

The other major body change is my bust. I am still trying to find supportive nursing bras though I bought a molded cup one from Target as a quick fix. I hate the added bulk of molded cups so I eventually took a chance on this La Leche League bra. It is a little big in the cups when I'm not full but it allows room for my breast pads. When I am feeling mobile post holiday madness, I am going to revisit Judy at A Mother's Boutique for a fitting and breastfeeding-friendly supplies. I intended to get there before birth but birth came early.

I have driven twice since surgery. Once to parallel park my mom's car on my street. And once for about 20 minutes on the way home from my mom's family's holiday party. I found that on the lengthier drive, my incision pain felt most intense while using the gas or break pedal over bumps or potholes. With this knowledge I will avoid certain streets in dire need of paving. I have gone to Target with baby (thanks to the help of my mom and sister) and a restaurant (Mad Mex where one of my mothers-in-law was having a bday party). But I didn't drive in either case.

Despite my soreness, I am pretty amazed by the body's resilience. Gestating, laboring, and undergoing major surgery have certainly changed some aspects of my physical self permanently. But a lot of things feel normal. My heartburn is gone. My need to pee a zillion times a night went with it. My back and pelvic girdle pain have subsided. I don't have sciatica anymore. My feet are almost back to normal (though not quite). And my waist is visible again. I do still have relatively clear skin which will change once my cycle returns. But considering the immense changes I experienced, my body almost feels like mine.

*cake season marks the time of year between February and April when Chris and I celebrate our birthdays and eat a lot of cake. 

One week postpartum... birth and recovery

Above depicts almost one week but 6 days to be exact. My body is ... recovering. I am still sore. Particularly at the cite of incision (because in my birth story there was an incision).

Suffice it to say that birth didn't go according to plan. This fact becomes easier for me to confront with each passing day but that doesn't mean it is easy. At least not yet. I don't plan to post my full birth story here but the synopsis is that I went into labor at home. Began timing contractions around 2:30 am on Sunday morning (Nov. 25th). Woke up Chris at 3 when I realized that things were likely happening. I labored at home until around 10am that morning when I called the midwife on duty and my parents. My favorite memories of labor are from that period of being at home. I was having back labor and things felt really intense so Chris drew me a bath and poured warm water on me. Standing during contractions helped. Moving through contractions helped. Both of these options were no longer available once I went to the hospital, unfortunately.

Sitting on the birth ball somehow made it feel worse through my back but that was just as well. By the time I got to the hospital I was 8cm dilated. I couldn't believe it! I was still walking around and talking through contractions so I anticipated being told I was 3 or 4 cm. For this reason, I truly believe I could have made it to 10 without interventions. But my blood pressure was elevated and my heart condition caused enough concern that I was not given much choice but to receive an epidural. Had I known this decision was made for me by my care providers (who never informed me) I would have waited a little longer, hoping to get to 10. Hindsight. I wish I hadn't made such a big deal during my prenatal care about my relatively common heart condition for this reason.* Hindsight.

The story from here isn't a new or surprising one. The epidural stalled me out. Over the course of the afternoon and evening, they broke my water and I was given pitocin. Both of these things made back labor worse. And when it was time to push nothing could counteract the fact that I was completely numb in the area where I needed to feel. So my pushing was ineffective. I pushed for four hours and was told that I had failed to move her down far enough. She was also possibly sunny side up? At this point my memories become blurry. Anyway, the OB checked me and determined that Emilia and I were not candidates for suction or forceps.

So the further condensed version of all of this is that I wound up with a surgical birth. Although I wrote here many times about how I intended to be open-minded and flexible nothing could emotionally prepare me for that moment... and all the moments that it rendered impossible.

I spent my entire pregnancy envisioning that she'd come out of me and be placed immediately on my chest. I thought about whether Chris (squeamish as he is) would be able to cut the cord or if my mom would have to do it. I brainstormed what to wear so that I could as easily and swiftly as possible begin skin to skin, breastfeed, and bond with my baby girl.

It is hard not to have those memories that I anticipated with such excitement and (to be honest) certainty. It is hard to have instead the memory of a sheet in front of my face as my body was strapped down, shivering, and nauseous from all the medications being pumped into my veins. My least favorite memory of birth was hearing her cry but being unable to see her. The nagging almost primal desire to want to hold her was unlike anything I've ever felt. But my limbs were numb so holding her was not going to be an option. No one brought her over to me or lowered the curtain. No one gave us the chance to do skin to skin with our faces. Chris did get to hold her and for that I am grateful. I didn't really meet her until I was post op.  And there were no medically emergent reasons for any of these decisions except that they were hospital protocol. I wasn't aware of this protocol. My birth plan's section on surgical birth requested simple things be done to humanize the operation. Lowering the curtain, skin to skin, and other small requests I wrote in it were approved by the midwives. Had these requests been a part of my birth I am sure the hard feelings I'm having in hindsight would be less... hard.

Don't get me wrong. I am so glad we are both healthy. I am so glad to have medical care that can ensure our health and survival even if my particular birth experience felt dehumanizing and traumatic at points. Even as it hurts to get up and down, even as it hurts to twist or maneuver my body, even as I look at my body which has the aftermath of both vaginal and surgical birth to recover from, even after my milk was delayed by a day while my body took its time in recognizing that she was born, I am so so so grateful. I am grateful for this baby and this new life. I am also grateful that she was born at 12:10 am on November 26th because November 25th was by far the most terrifying day of my life. And I am lucky that its anniversary will not fall on a day I intend to celebrate fully and richly for the rest of my life.

*Even one of the anesthesiologists mentioned after the fact that the reason why my condition, called PFO isn't studied is not because it is so anomalous or unique. It's because it is utterly mundane and common. So inevitably plenty of pregnant people have had vaginal, unmedicated births with a PFO. I say this because I fear people will read "heart condition" and think my desire for an unmedicated birth is unreasonable or selfish.  

(Belated) Week 39: She's here!

I didn't quite make it to week 39. The baby decided to come early. I half expected this since I was the only pregnant woman I knew who wanted to be a few days late (for work reasons). But now that she's here, I couldn't be happier! And to be honest, it is for the best. Although I feel terrible that the semester's end was atypical for my students and I will have my lion's share of grading to plow through, remotely while sleep deprived and nursing, my physical discomforts in late pregnancy grew with every day.

Here is Emilia Irene:

I can already tell she's strong, alert, determined, and incredibly sweet. Chris and I couldn't be more proud or in love.

Week by week: 38!

38 weeks and the side view is striking!

My mom told me that her first child (which happens to be me) was born 15 days early. As I come upon that auspicious milestone in my own pregnancy, my thoughts are anticipatory but anxious. I am so excited to meet this tiny creature who has been kicking and hiccuping up a storm. But I also don't know that I will ever feel completely ready for birth or for the qualitative life changes that parenthood will surely bring.

I do know that my 38 weeks of extra feelings have made me more weepy than usual. I thought I was uncomfortable a few weeks ago but I now believe that I didn't know from uncomfortable. My indigestion and heartburn remain fierce. My desire to clean and organize and take care of business has intensified while my physical agility decreases. My abilities to focus and find the right language on the fly are diminished. Chris jokes that there's no blood left in my brain. Hopefully my students don't notice. I think I manage to be lucid in the classroom but evaluations of lucidity are interpretive. I am doing the best that I can.

As I try to visualize birth, I'm intimidated but hopeful. I want to muster all my confidence and optimism and not allow myself to be crippled with doubt. But it's difficult not to worry. I usually thrive in high pressure circumstances. I pride myself in rising to the occasion. But this will be a situation unlike anything I've experienced! And my mom and husband will be there with me which is reassuring. I just would like for the fetus to keep cooking a bit longer. Even with my discomforts, 15 days early feels like 15 days too early.

I've begun to come to terms with how little control I actually have. Pregnancy has been a series of lessons in surrender (special thanks to wise mom friend, Hillary for that very apt phrase). For someone accustomed to relative control, it hasn't always been easy. There have been numerous peaks and more than a few emotional valleys. But I'm comforted by the knowledge that pregnancy is not an illness. It is not something terribly abnormal. Women have been doing this for centuries. They do it every day all over the world, on a continuum of both more and less privileged/fortunate circumstances than my own.

I have instructed Chris and my mom to remind me of a few truths during the tougher birth moments: 1. She has to come out no matter what. 2. Breathing through pain will bring oxygen to my tensing muscles. Gravity will help me if I let it. 3. And perhaps most importantly: however she emerges my main goal is healthy mom, healthy infant.

Week by week: 37

37 weeks

I am full term as of now. What a reassuring feeling! I'm glad the fetus is still cooking and I am hopeful that I'll go to week 40. My midwife checked me (by my request, as I was already getting the group B strep test, which is thankfully negative) and I am not dilated yet but 30% effaced. Despite these facts, Chris is skeptical that I'll make it to 40. This is in part because my practice contractions have begun to increase in frequency and intensify in discomfort. But according to my midwives and my Babycenter weekly email, both of these occurrences are normal. Of course delivering at any point after full term is also considered "normal."

My hospital bag is packed. I have selected "going home" attire for the baby that still needs to be washed. We need to install the car seat or at least the car seat base. Chris has begun assembling his hospital bag and I've already packed a toiletry case for him. The crib is assembled and the nursery room is coming along.

I reiterated with my students our contingency plan options. But I still need to draft an email that I lovingly refer to as the "doomsday device" which will allow me to easily inform my students if/when the contingency plan is no longer contingent. I also need to write up Speck instructions for Rachel in case my folks can't get to her right away.

I put forth a lot of energy and effort into cleaning the whole house last weekend in anticipation of a diaper party shower we threw as an excuse to see our friends prior to birth. It was our last house party before we become parents and Chris went all out with the food. People raved about it which was sweet and everyone was very kind and complimentary about my different shape. I was just glad to have an excuse to motivate me into that deep cleaning process. Although it would be great to do one more deep clean prior to week 40, I'm not sure there will be time. Above you can see my outfit. My hair was dry by the time guests arrived. :)

Details:
Pea in the Pod abstract rose print dress
Streets Ahead bow belt (that interestingly was just slightly too big prepregnancy)
Assets Mama tights by Spanx
Gucci wedges

Week by week: 36

36 weeks

I never got around to posting week 36 belly shots but they're not that dissimilar from week 37 (which will be up tomorrow). Even at my now even more frequent midwife appointments, where I was once measuring ahead slightly (around week 30) I am now measuring behind. Of course, fundal height is not a perfect science and can be shifted based on the fetal position at the time of measurement. My midwives are comfortable with any measurement that corresponds with a range of two weeks.

Things are trucking along. It's funny but I feel both more and less ready with every day that brings me closer to my due date. Sleeping comfort varies. Waking comfort varies too. Interestingly, on the days when I'm more active I feel less sore but I pay for it on the days that follow. Those are pretty uncomfortable. Bending over is unintentionally audible. It's harder than ever to put on socks or tights. I feel like my boobs appear small for the first time in my life, even though they're quite large. It's just juxtaposed with my belly that they are diminished in scale.

Overall, I am healthy feel so lucky for that.

Outfit details:
Orla Kiely for Uniqlo dress
Cece cardigan
Payless flats

Week by week: 35 (in costume)

35 weeks

Quick post this week... so behind right now. So much to do. Feeling harried and having more and more birth dreams that make me nervous she's going to arrive early. The indigestion and heartburn are omnipresent and my belly button feels really ready to pop even though it has yet to (knock on wood).

I feel like the fetus has no more room to move so her movements often... hurt. My back certainly hurts when I first get up to walk from a seated position.

I drafted my birth plan this week and need to pick up a few items for my hospital bag before I can feel ready to pack for that. I also need to spend some time organizing the nursery. Chris needs to assemble the crib but he's busy too.

Before I do anything else, I need to finish my conference paper because even though I am not attending my field's national conference (not allowed to fly at this point), the panel chair offered to present a summary on my behalf.

Week by Week 34

34 weeks!

My belly button is still in (but barely). My stomach is constantly slathered in some sort of lotion, hoping to avoid stretch marks but not feeling optimistic. Sleeping has become more challenging with each day due to various aches and pains. Once I do sleep, I apparently snore (sorry Chris!). I bought a bra extender thingy from Target this week which helps make things more comfortable without my needing to buy non-nursing in between bras (since I don't know what size nursing bras I will need). I am looking into a belly binder for after birth cause I really would like to hold everything in place and encourage things to go back to "normal." I've been using my Target BE Band (generic Bella Band) as a belly support device cause it feels so strained.

We've finally begun getting the nursery ready although it is still very far from organized. We managed to get furniture out of there and now it is full of the embarrassment of riches from baby shower gifts (still in boxes/new with tags/unwashed and not ready). I also have to clean out the armoire that is going to be baby's closet/storage. So much to do and so little time!

I did manage to wrap the article manuscript I wanted to send off to be considered for publication so that my resume remains active. I have a conference paper to wrap up (even though I can't physically attend the conference because I won't be allowed to fly by then) and more writing and diss. revision. Not to mention finishing my semester with my students. I hope the fetus remembers the bargain we made about how she needs to keep cooking until at least the day after her due date!

Lots more to talk about in terms of symptoms, cravings, and the amazingly overwhelming and wonderful experience that is being surrounded by all the women who I love and who have known me my whole life (aka my baby showers). I'll try to be back later in the week but my priorities are such that my recreational writing time is dedicated to the zillion more thank you notes I have to write (which I really enjoy doing even though they take a great deal of time because I toil over how to express my gratitude in a way that doesn't sound canned or insincere).

Outfit details:
Bailey 44 top from Nordstrom Rack (non-maternity)
Gap "Always Skinny" Maternity Cords in green
Captoe flats with extra footbed cushion from Payless

Week by week: 33

33 weeks

This weekend I had the first of my baby showers and I feel so overwhelmed with love and support. It was a beautiful time being surrounded by wise women and girls of all ages. My dear friend China even came into town to attend. I was so so happy to see her and hug her and catch up. I am left yet again feeling really lucky in general.

Physically, things are good overall but my stomach is very... strained. My heartburn is very pervasive. My back occasionally hurts. I am told all of this is normal. My midwife appointments are now every two weeks and last Thursday's check up was reassuring. Measuring on track, strong fetal heartbeat, etc. I have begun wondering if my face looks different. I kind of see differences when I look at pre- and during-pregnancy photos but I wonder if that is due to weight or something else? There's that terrible, misogynistic old wives tale about how fetal girls "steal your beauty" and as absurd as I know that sounds, I have to wonder if pregnancy does change the shape and composition of a face? Especially since so many other parts of the body change, beyond just the belly. I also realize the changes I see in my face likely relate to being tired and taking less careful time to take outfit photos.

Some days I also feel really frustrated by what I see on the scale. I know that the gains I've made in the last 33 weeks are all for good reason but it can be difficult not to think negatively about that aspect of pregnancy. After all, I inhabit a weight-obsessed culture! Despite that, my body image is usually pretty positive and unconnected with weight. I don't typically dwell on the numbers on tags or scales. I need to harness that approach again while acknowledging that I'm doing the best that I can to eat well and to avoid being entirely sedentary.

Anyway, I can't believe how time has flown by. I have so much to do! I hope the fetus keeps cooking as planned because I need every minute of time to work and prepare.

Outfit Details:
Three Seasons Maternity dress from Amazon (unfortunately this seems to no longer be half off like it was when I bought it)
Gap tights (pulled low cause they're not maternity)
Nine West pumps

Week by Week: 32

32 Weeks

I'm getting bigger every day. My stomach skin aches because it is so strained. I've been dutifully lathering myself with cocoa butter and jojoba oil, hoping to stave off the inevitable. I don't yet have marks but I envision them in my future. As I feel the fetus wiggle around, I imagine that she's trying to make even more room. It's hard to fathom my stomach growing larger but I know it must. And I know it will be worth it.

It's fun to compare the above with my first belly photos on this blog (which were taken at around 15 weeks) cause I was wearing the same top.

Pants with real buttons! I remember you. 

32 week outfit Details:
Orla Kiely for Uniqlo sailboat tshirt
Gap Maternity Cords 
Payless captoe flats (which have extra cushy padding and are sooooo comfy!! Thanks mom, for treating me to some larger interim footwear!!)

Week by Week: 31

31 weeks

This week, I've tried to accept that my mobility is increasingly compromised by pregnancy. I took some breaks while teaching to sit down. Lecturing from a stool is unfamiliar terrain for me, as someone who likes to move around the classroom freely. But I was able to still gesture and move a bit while seated. I've found that the tricky part is getting up and down from the stool or a seated position, gracefully. Grace has never been my strong suit but right now I feel especially ungraceful. And with the occasional inadvertent sounds I make while moving, I feel self-conscious.

I also decided that it is ok if I occasionally need to take an elevator rather than the stairs, especially while lugging my course materials. It took me a while to get to this point but I become short of breath more readily and don't want to show up to class huffing and puffing.

I also advocated for my comfort at the Little Italy Days festival by letting friends and loved ones know when/if I needed to take a rest. This is all new for me, as a fairly prideful person who doesn't like being fussed over or being a bother. I hate disrupting a social setting to say to Chris that I need to find a place to take a load off. But he understands and so does everyone else. In terms of stamina I have to acknowledge that my body has changed. It's carrying a lot more weight than usual and its center of gravity is completely off. Even when I am minding my posture to save myself from back pain, it is hard not to arch due to the weight of my belly. Also, it's impossible to be conscious of it all the time.

Anyway, my mom got to feel the fetus move and kick yesterday which was thrilling for us both. We met up to shop and hang for her birthday. I took her to lunch but she generously treated me by buying me some comfy shoes and a cute dress. She also bought so many clothes and odds and ends for the baby. Can a fetus be spoiled? :)

I hope my dad will be able to feel her kick tonight at my mom's and Katie's birthday dinner! I tried on the above dress this afternoon because I knew it would really showcase the belly. Admittedly, I didn't wear it anywhere yet.

Outfit Details:
Bailey 44 Tiered Stripes dress from Anthro
Zanotti flats

Week by week: 30

30 weeks

Gah time is flying! I have so much to do. So much to plan. So much to finish. So much to organize. But I also am excited to meet this little one who has been moshing and poking and prodding me from the inside for so long.

I had a few appointments on Friday, including an ultrasound that was supposed to have a 3d component. Sadly (though not truly sad, and in fact good!) the fetus is positioned head down and low enough in my pelvis that she was basically not 3d-photographable. The tech and the OB even considered prodding and pushing me from the outside to urge her to move into a better spot. But she's comfy down there and frankly, I'd rather her get used to being in a good spot for birth than get an unnecessary preview of her face. We did learn that she already has hair! And although I'm measuring right on track according to my midwife who checked my fundal height, from the ultrasound she is measuring to be in the upper range of percentiles. I blame her dad who has long limbs. Because of her position, they couldn't truly measure her because of where her head was, so they looked at the femur and belly to calculate an estimation (that the OB said is not very accurate, even if it is what they use). Anyway, it was a long but exciting day and everything continues to look healthy and good.

I began a new series on Consume or Consumed about teaching college students while pregnant. Check it out!

Outfit details:
Target sweater (gift from my mom)
Gap maternity t-shirt underneath
Gap maternity jeans
Chloé flats

Week by week: 29

29 weeks

Chris and I attended day two of our condensed Lamaze class at Magee and much like the first week, it was really wonderful. We practiced positions, slow breathing through contractions, and spontaneous pushing. We went on a hospital tour so I feel much more able to visualize my birth setting. And I even felt like we began to make friends with other couples. If there was one more class meeting I know we would have walked out of there with email addresses. Sadly, there isn't. But I did feel a strong bond with the couples in the class and with the instructor. More than anything else, I felt more bonded to Chris. I know from this experience that he is better equipped to be the supportive, confident, and attentive birth partner that he wants to be.

I cannot say enough great things about the instructor that we had for the class. I cried a little when it was time to say goodbye to her because I felt so much gratitude over the knowledge she imparted and the confidence that comes with it. She works as a volunteer doula in the hospital sporadically and I am now hoping the stars align for her to be on the floor during my birth. We'll see.

Since learning I was pregnant, it has been difficult to envision what birth will be like since so many variables are unknowns and so many birth stories differ. But talking to my parents about birth has helped me a lot. Together they share so many memories and it is interesting to see who remembers what with more vivid detail. Last night my mom remembered that my dad's mother was tearing up when they were leaving for the hospital to have me, which was a pretty quick birth, especially for a first time mom! She said that she realized she was in first stage labor around 11pm, they left for the hospital around 2am, and I was born at 8:06 am. Although I've always felt close with my parents, sharing the process of becoming a parent with them and having them retell stories about pregnancy, birth, and early family life has been really incredible. 

Today I blew up my exercise/birth ball and plan to try to get some writing done while sitting on it. I also am setting a goal for Chris and I to practice at least two positions through timed, simulated contractions per day. If we only manage to do it every other day, that is ok too. I aim to do two per practice session so that we can also practice the transition from one position to the next. Most of my favorite practice positions involved the birth ball so I am glad to have it for our preparation.

Outfit details:
Maternal America dress (from Amazon clearance)
Wolford tights (which incidentally, are quite comfortable with a belly!)
Guiseppi Zanotti flats
Amber pendant necklace from St. Lucia (gift from Chris)

Birth Class and Week by week: 28

Week 28

Holy cow I'm in my third trimester! I'm both terrified and excited that things are moving along so fast. I feel good, although my movements are definitely slower out of necessity. They're also occasionally more audible than I intend (as in I make funny guttural sounds if I am getting up from the floor or something... lol). My heartburn has worsened and I seem to have the same tiny bladder issues I had during the first trimester. My stomach fills up faster than before, too.

Yesterday, Chris and I began a condensed Lamaze class at our hospital (Magee Womens Hospital in Pittsburgh) and it was so wonderful. I know a lot of people remark that reading books will offer the same impact of taking a class but that seemed less desirable to me. Although I have been reading about pregnancy and birth avidly, I still wanted to take a class. Reading is often solitary and the experience of taking a class is shared. Plus, as phd candidates, Chris and I are no strangers to schooling. We basically thrive in a classroom environment. So for us, it only made sense to sign up for something. My insurance will cover half of the class cost but even if it didn't, I view it as a good investment in memory-making.

32 years later, my parents still talk about the birth class they took when they were pregnant with their first born (me). They made lasting friendships from it. Sadly, the condensed class sessions that fit our work schedules will be less likely to yield much in the way of bonding with other couples. But I enjoy the metaphoric connection I share with the people in the room, even if we don't get to know each other during our short time together.

Also, the instructor is fantastic and incredibly engaging. I had no problem staying alert the entire day, listening to her explain things, share anecdotes, offer clever metaphors, and demonstrate with course materials. I even found myself tearing up at moments during which she described with enthusiasm and sincerity the remarkable things that occur in the pregnant body. I do have extra feelings right now thanks to all the hormones but in general, I am moved by the notion that my body is doing things that are miraculous, natural, and also in so many ways, entirely mundane. I can't wait for our next class!

I'm curious about the experiences of others in this regard. Did you take a birthing class? Our instructor said around 20% or less of pregnant women take classes. I don't have a lot of friends who have had children so I can't do any informal social polls. But I imagine that Dr. Google in conjunction with youtube videos (and traditional books) have created an environment of learning in which taking birth classes seem less necessary than ever before? Or perhaps the stats have always been low due to the time and money involved in enrolling?

Outfit details:
Ancient Myths maxi skirt from Anthropologie (stoked this still fits for now)
Banana Republic tee
Havaniana flip flops

Week by Week: 27

27

So this is the last week of my second trimester and I cannot believe how the time has flown. I have so much more to do before birth and feelings of panic are beginning to hit me.

This week I started back to school and it was wild to be in the classroom with a visible bump. It felt so bizarre to have to explain the contingency plan options to my young adult students, many of who were very adorable and kind in their reactions to my news. I also noticed for the first time that if I watch my stomach while the fetus is moshing (cause it seems like that's what she does in there), I can SEE IT FROM THE OUTSIDE! So weird. Chris caught it too. It makes me giddy to see it bouncing around, making room.

This weekend, Chris and I were scheduled to be in New Orleans for a conference and to have one last out of town trip before I become too pregnant to fly safely. It promised to be a babymoon of sorts. Sadly, the conference was canceled and we wound up staying in town. Although I am disappointed to miss out on any opportunity to travel (especially to a place I love so much), I am grateful to not burden further the city of New Orleans as it cleans up the mess left by Hurricane Isaac. My thoughts are with the Gulf Coast state residents as they recover and rebuild.

We are making the best of things by spending time together at home. Yesterday, Chris brightened our morning with French pastries from La Gourmandine. After doing some work from home, we went to the gym together where I actually used the elliptical for the first time in at least a month! (I had been taking it easy due to some sciata and/or pelvic girdle pain).  It felt good to be active even though I did tone down my intensity, just in case. We rounded out the night with dinner reservations at Cure in Lawrenceville. The meal was delicious and fun. It made for an excellent consolation for the reservation we couldn't keep at Herbsaint. The rest of the weekend will be spent catching up with family so that will be great. And I'm sure we'll make it back to New Orleans, soon enough. The little one will surely love its sights and sounds.

Outfit details:
Anthropologie's Sideways Seascape Tee
Gap Maternity jeans
Coach flats

Week by week: 26

Week 26

Here you can see me trying on one of the designer maternity dresses I bought on clearance (and with a 20% off coupon) from Amazon, in anticipation of needing professorial options for the fall classroom. I'll be doing a lengthy review of the brands and garments eventually. But in the meanwhile, here is the state of my stomach at week 26... the second trimester homestretch!

Outfit details:
Everly Grey Kaylee Maternity Dress (on sale!) (available in the above print or solid crimson)*
Vintage Saks Fifth Avenue house brand pumps

*Amazon clothing tip: I signed up for clothing emails and was sent a unique, one-time-use, 20% off coupon for clothes. You have to use the code within 30 days but with free shipping and free returns the risk seemed low enough to make an order of a few pretty things. Some of it is going back but I am keeping the above.

Week by week: 25

25 weeks

Not only is pregnancy flying by, but my summer is almost over. The fall term is about to begin and I will soon find myself in the classroom, twice weekly. I am going through my closet (slowly), trying on all those things that were either a little loose pre-pregnancy, or bought to be shapeless, unstretchy, and tent-like, with the unspoken assumption that I could also wear them once pregnant. How foolish I was to think that a little extra waist room meant an already knee length or shorter dress would work with a dress-shortening bump! Maybe when it is tights season I can revisit a few pieces, but the majority of my pre-pregnancy wardrobe will be too short or too small for the third trimester.

Speaking of, I'd love some maternity tights recommendations. I see that my hosiery go-to, Spanx doesn't make one unless you count Assets. I like super opaque and completely unshiny. Can anyone speak to the qualities of the Assets version?

Outfit details:
Vintage Diane von Furstenburg dress (two sizes above my pre-pregnancy DVF wrap size) (similar here)
Volatile pumps from Zappos (old and now too tight in the foot bed... how are my feet so wide? They aren't swollen! Just annoyingly wide... lousy relaxin!)

Week by Week: 24

24

My belly has definitely popped since previous posts. I also have begun to break in my maternity jeans from a previous Gap sale (fyi, friends and family is this weekend!). I love the shape of these jeans. I just need to get my hands on some similarly slim-legged maternity cords and I will feel more set for fall.

Outfit details:
Anthropologie's Slanted Layers top (which I kind of want in every color cause it really leaves a lot of room to grow- so stretchy!)
Gap 1969 cropped maternity jeans (not so cropped on a shorty!)
Coach flats

Week by week: 23

almost 23 weeks

I've found that the appearance of my "bump" shifts dramatically throughout the day. By the evening, it is pronounced and round all over, including on top. During the day (and especially before lunch) my natural waist is thicker than it was, pre-pregnancy (of course) but less bulbous. Periodically the skin of my stomach has begun to itch. When I feel its tautness, it is difficult to fathom how much more it will have to stretch and grow in the coming months. I've begun using lotion on it every day to try to fend off what I will likely be inevitable.

One of these days I need to take early and late day photos to show the difference in size.

Outfit 1:
Max Studio skirt from TJ Maxx (similar)
Kate Spade Rosette top

Outfit 2:
Asos maternity dress
Nordstrom cardigan
Chloé flats

One's on the way... Plus belly shots

Almost 22 weeks.

I feel bigger every day. And the top of my belly is starting to get more round and full. The fetal movements are consistent and sometimes distracting. It's very exciting and although kicks feel strong and significant for me (because they radiate from within when I catch them with my hand on the outside) Chris still hasn't been able to discern between movement from breathing and the fetus. I'm sure as the fetus grows it will be easier to feel (and become less novel to me... or maybe not? It is a fascinating and surreal experience that I tried to imagine in the weeks leading up to "the quickening").

I've been thinking a lot about motherhood and feminism lately. Growing up, one of the videotapes my siblings and I watched obsessively was "Muppet Treasures," which is a collection of skits from the Muppet Show. And this week I've found myself humming Loretta Lynn's rendition of Shel Silverstein's clever anthem for multiple-time, stay-at-home, mothers-to-be, "One's on the Way." Although I am not going to stay at home and will return to work full time when my leave is over, I do think the song highlights enduring socio-economic and cultural differences that alienate and divide mothers, even four decades later.

In the history of feminism, we have needed women to speak out against biological essentialism that reduces us to some sexist and idealized notion of inherent maternalism. But in that process of undoing, the resilient mechanisms of patriarchy found another method through which to pit types of women against other types of women and types of mothers against other types of mothers. Contemporary feminism encompasses many forms but because being pregnant is all still new to me, I am navigating unfamiliar terrain. And sometimes it is frustrating to acknowledge how divisions endure and how systemic mechanisms serve to further alienate women from each other. This is part of why "One's on the Way" looms large in my current consciousness.

Of course, the song's witty intra- and inter-gender politics didn't occur to me as a kiddo. But it's something I've been contemplating frequently, in the wake of article after article about whether women can "have it all," or perhaps more relevant, whether "having it all" is even on the menu for contemporary, middle-and working-class mothering. It's a lot to chew on! Anyway, you can see the skit from the Muppets here or Lynn singing the anthem solo, here.

Outfit details:
Old Navy Maternity Maxi Dress: buy it here (fyi this is sized generously. I am wearing a small with room to grow).